How Do I Apply for a Writing Conversation by eMail?
1. Start the Conversation.
Send a letter to Linda by e-mail (or surface mail) explaining what you want to do with the piece you are submitting. Remember, this is not formal; it’s a conversation between friends.
Be sure to:
-- tell Linda what type of help you especially want: for example line-by-line comments on your writing style or an overview of the structure of your piece
-- list any specific questions you have about your writing
-- tell Linda whether or not you want additional suggestions on marketing the piece
-- tell Linda if you need her comments by a particular date
And please, please, start the Conversation at least two months before your deadline to allow time for questions, the payment to arrive in the mail, and for the full evaluation and comments to be written. Of course Linda will try to finish sooner.
2. Introduce Yourself.
Include your name, address, telephone number and e-mail address.
Let Linda know a bit about yourself, especially as it relates to your poetry or manuscript.
Be sure to notify us at once of any address changes that occur before you get your evaluation back.
3. Send Your Poetry or Nonfiction Manuscript.
Send us the work you want evaluated in an e-mail attachment to info@windbreakhouse.com.
-- Linda uses both Microsoft Word and WordPerfect software. We are generally able to convert files, but if we cannot we'll let you know. A backup option is to copy and paste the manuscript into the text of an e-mail message.
-- If you aren’t able to work via e-mail, send your poetry or nonfiction manuscript on a CD or a flash drive (thumb drive), with information about the format you are using. Flash drives will be returned. Let us know if you wish a cd to be returned.
-- Please do not send a zip disk. We do not have a zip drive.
Sending your manuscript in an electronic format will allow Linda to transfer your manuscript to her computer and type her comments directly into your manuscript [set off by brackets], just the way she does for writers in residence at Windbreak House writing retreats. Linda has found this method allows her to work faster than writing by hand. She can be more specific and detailed in her comments in a shorter time, thus saving her time and your money.
Sorry, Linda is not accepting manuscripts on paper at this time.
4. Evaluation Fee.
Mail your $45 one-hour evaluation fee to:
Linda M. Hasselstrom
Windbreak House Retreat
P.O. Box 169
Hermosa, SD 57744-0169.
Please make checks payable to Linda M. Hasselstrom. Thank you.
Sorry, we cannot accept credit card payments at this time.
Because poetry and nonfiction vary so greatly, Linda is unable to estimate the time required to study your manuscript without first seeing it. At one time Linda asked for an application deposit, looked over manuscripts and gave a time and cost estimate, and then waited for the full payment. But that took extra time. We have found it easier to ask for a one-hour reading fee and go from there.
5. Let the Reading and Evaluation Begin.
Once we have received your $45 payment, Linda will begin reading and writing her comments on your manuscript or poetry as soon as possible.
Linda may first ask for more details from you about what help you want, or she may send a brief note with some suggestions of things you may want to do before her evaluation.
If she finds she will need more than one hour to complete her comments she will contact you with her estimate of the time and additional payment she will need so you can decide how to proceed. Some writers pay for a complete evaluation right away. Others have Linda do as much as she can in the first hour, read through her comments, and decide later if they wish to continue with a longer Writing Conversation.
If Linda finishes her comments in less than one hour, we will refund any overage or apply it to a future Writing Conversation.
6. Conversation With Linda.
Within the time specified, Linda will complete her evaluation, and e-mail (or mail) the manuscript back to you.
A complete evaluation will include Linda’s line-by-line evaluation of your writing, inserted in the text of your manuscript. Besides these written comments, Linda will make general suggestions about your writing, and send supplementary material, including handouts with ideas on how to improve any particular writing problems, and perhaps she will suggest some authors or specific books for you to read and study.
To see a sampling of Linda's handouts
click here to be taken to the Books & More Page article entitled "Writing Conversations by eMail" then scroll down a bit.
7. The Conversation Continues.
After you receive this evaluation, you may ask questions in one e-mail or letter, and Linda will respond in one additional e-mail or letter at no additional charge.
Linda asks that you send your questions within a month or two and that you limit yourself to one batch of questions per commentary. The idea behind this, of course, is to prevent a writer who has received a commentary from writing 42 different e-mails with single questions, as she thinks of them during the next six months. Ideally, this helps the writer be more organized, but it also is designed to keep Linda from having to go back to a manuscript she finished reading three months ago and read it again to answer a question.
If you have any questions about these directions, please contact us at:
info@windbreakhouse.com
back to top
Sample Writing Conversation Essay
with Linda’s Evaluation, Suggestions, Handout, and Writing Exercise
A short essay from a young student is posted above in its original form so you can read it without interruption. The essay is posted again (below) with Linda’s line-by-line evaluation and suggestions, to give you an idea of what to expect from a Writing Conversation by eMail.
For the purpose of clarity on this website, most of Linda's [bracketed comments] are set off in separate paragraphs. In your own Writing Conversation, the bracketed comments-- especially brief ones-- probably will be slipped right between your sentences.
You've heard of reading between the lines, haven't you?
Linda's General Comments Before the Line-By-Line Evaluation:
Considering your writing experience and history, I think this is a dandy early draft, with a lot of potential to become an intriguing humorous essay, perhaps saleable as a newspaper column. Most of my comments will concern two matters that I believe could be improved: your use of detail, and the structure of the essay.
I will probably note grammatical and mechanical errors-- I can't help myself-- but I don't concentrate on them, since the more you write, the more interest you will have in correcting these mistakes yourself. I suggest that if you do not have a good grammar resource by your desk that you get one such as
The Elements of Style by Strunk and White (available in many editions). This is a classic, and I will often refer to it when discussing mechanical matters in your writing. I notice, for example, that it might help you with the comments I will make about your use of the dash, the comma, and the design of this essay.
This written commentary on your work is intended to be the basis of your revision of your writing. You are allowed one followup session, so you may ask questions about anything you don’t understand, or make any comment about my suggestions. I will consider your questions and respond with care.
I have typed most of my comments right into the text. I used to try to set them off with different fonts, but this can cause all kinds of complications as computer files are passed back and forth, and since these are inserts into YOUR text, I assume you will have no trouble finding them-- though to help you, I use square brackets as much as possible [like this] so that if you want to do a search/replace to delete my comments later, you can. Sometimes as I write comments on your work, my enthusiasm or haste overwhelms my ability to type.
I also note most grammatical errors with standard abbreviations used in grammar books, such as “sentence frag,” or “agreement of verbs.” Always ask if you don’t know what I mean.
Notice that I may refer to “the writer” or “the narrator” and “the reader” rather than to “you” and “me” to remind us both that this is not only a personal exchange, but an educational one, and all comments are intended to help you write more clearly, and with more satisfaction.
My comments include notes about mechanical matters-- such as grammatical errors-- as well as about your writing style and tone. I don’t expect you to revise immediately, or to follow every one of my suggestions; I try to write comments clearly enough so that you can go back to them months or years later and understand what I mean, so that these comments will be useful to you over a long period of time as you work on these and other writings.
Remember, anyone’s comment on your writing is only one person’s opinion. Awards won and books published may indicate that the person’s opinion is an educated one. Or it may indicate nothing at all but good marketing. In other words, develop your own instincts about what constitutes good writing-- by reading, and by writing. Trust your own instincts ultimately, more than the word of anyone else.
One of the most useful methods of commenting on writing is, I believe, to ask questions of the draft. Remember that each reader will respond for two reasons: because of the knowledge he or she brings to the written piece, and because of evidence in the writing. My questions always arise from the essay or poem; something I read in your work suggests each question. So, while they may not seem to be related to what you have written, consider them carefully. You may choose to let the writing answer the question, or you may choose to revise so that the work no longer suggests the question.
Sample Line-by-Line Evaluation:
Reading the essay and writing these comments took a total of 30 minutes.
1/2 hour @ $45/hour = $22.50 total
I can refund the additional $22.50 you paid or apply it to a future Writing Conversation. Let me know what you'd like.
*~*~*
The Food Court at the Rushmore Mall
Are you a till-you-drop shopper,
[You've made clever use of a cliche, turning the phrase “shop till you drop” into an adjective.]
and you don’t like dropping just from hunger?
[What about making this sentence two separate questions? I wonder if the impact of the play on words-- dropping from hunger-- is lost by it being the tail end of the sentence. Separating the two ideas might make them more clear.]
If you go to the Rushmore Mall, you may have a great alternative to starvation.
[We want to keep the reader focused on the purpose of the essay, which is-- what? From the title and first sentence, I think the purpose is to describe the food court, which would include describing both the mood and the nourishment. So I wonder if it might be better to say, “If you shop at Rushmore Mall, you may have-- or should you say that the shopper definitely does have?-- an alternative to starvation.”]
[Since we know-- because we are writers and we look up the words we use-- that “starvation” doesn’t mean just being hungry but “to suffer or die from lack of food,” the reader understands it’s unlikely a person will literally starve while shopping. So you’ve given us a good hint that exaggeration for humor may play a part in this essay.]
[Another point: I’m assuming for purposes of commentary that this essay is part of a longer work which has already explained the location of Rushmore Mall.]
Luckily for us people who live for two things-food and shopping-
[Be sure that where you need a dash, you actually insert a dash, or two hyphens; usually on computers two hyphens (--) is automatically converted into a dash, which helps solve the problem you have here.]
the Rushmore Mall has a food court with a ton of variety for all different kinds of bizarre tastes.
[“Ton,”since it refers to weight, may send the reader’s thoughts in the wrong direction. “Different” isn’t very descriptive-- and then bizarre may suggest that the reader is odd. All these words together suggest to me that the writer was in haste, and might be able to choose better adjectives. What do we really learn from this line: The food court has varied food. That statement lacks detail which is not supplied by the adjectives chosen.]
If you decide to subject yourself to the mercy of everyone else at the mall, you will need to go to the side of the mall near the Scheels entrance.
[What has happened here? I’m writing this commentary on first reading, to come to it freshly-- so I do not yet know the real theme of the essay. As I read the introductory paragraph, I assumed for good reason that the subject of the essay is the food court. The last line suggests that the writer has followed a funnel lead-- moving from general to specific-- and will now introduce us to the food court in detail. Instead the subject seems to have changed to how to enter the mall, and the emphasis seems to be-- “subject yourself to the mercy of everyone else”-- on people, and on how they treat the writer, rather than food.]
As you go in the door, to your right will be a variety of restaurants including Taco John’s and Pizza & Pasta. You can see the grills steaming and hear them sizzling as you walk by. The smell of the spicy hamburger and salsa at Taco John’s is amazing,
[“Amazing” is pretty overused; can you find an adjective that appeals directly to some of the senses that should be operating at this point: smell or taste, perhaps.]
and there are huge bins of crunchy, zesty veggies and smooth flavorful sauces.
[These descriptions are more specific and do engage the senses-- but the reader wants detail! If the writer names the veggies, we can see the colors and textures-- royal purple eggplant, blushing red tomatoes. It is strange but generally true that the more detail a writer uses, the more she draws the reader into the scene. This is true even if you are describing the first day of school and your dress was blue (but mine was red) and mother took you (but my father took me) and you walked (but I drove) and your teacher was a skinny nun (but mine was a well-padded woman in a print dress). Somehow your specific details call my mind to fill in the picture with sight, sound, smell, taste, and feelings.]
[But more important, the writer has used “there are” for the first of several times, so it’s time to discuss passive and active voice, and here’s a HANDOUT of explanatory information.]
*~*~*
Handout:
ACTIVE AND PASSIVE VOICE
by Linda M. Hasselstrom
Passive voice is overused, especially in official documents. The use of active voice is more direct, more powerful, more concise.
Passive voice:
The bum
was bullied by the boys.
The animal
was not seen.
The tree
was noticed by me.
With the changing of seasons there comes a change in the type of clothing
to be worn.
In the fall, cotton clothes
are stored away by families and all that
can be seen is bulky woolens.
I am sure this
can be done by us if the money
can be found.
IF YOU KNOW WHO DID THE ACTION, SAY SO.
Active voice:
The boys
bullied the bum.
I saw the deer leap.
I noticed the tree.
With the changing of seasons there comes a change in the type of clothing
people wear.
In the fall,
families store away their cotton clothes and all
one can see is bulky woolens.
I am sure
we can do this if
we can find the money.
When the person who did it or does it-- whatever it is or was-- is unknown or unimportant to the sense of the sentence, you may use passive voice.
The faux pas
was ignored for several days.
Her crimes
have been absolved.
The food
was grudgingly
passed around.
The roadhouse
was ransacked in the middle of a moonless night.
The police
were totally
misled.
The book about motorcycles
was misplaced among books about cosmetics.
For practice, rewrite the following sentences, changing the voice from passive to active. Notice how the change in verb smooths out the sentence, making it less awkward to read and understand.
The insects which were destroying the leaves of the plants were eaten by birds.
The trucks were finally loaded by workers who used forklifts.
Some ancient objects of art were discovered by the amateur archaeologist.
The road had been traveled many times by the reporter, but the old house had never before been noticed by her.
A safe trip was had by the tourists because the dangers were carefully explained by the guide.
*~*~*
Now back to my line-by-line evaluation:
At Pizza & Pasta, the wafting scent of pepperoni and spaghetti sauce will sweep you off your feet.
[Yes! Now this is specific! “Wafting” gives a sense of motion, as does “sweep you off your feet,” which-- although it is a cliche-- is acceptable because it is not usually used to describe food. And each reader knows the scent of pepperoni.]
As you walk
[Pretty weak verb after wafting and sweeping-- can you find a livelier one?]
around to the right, you will see several more restaurants,
[Can the reader be trusted to understand that she will see more restaurants-- and we might quibble about that definition-- in the food court?]
including Arby’s and Ashby’s Ice Cream.
[Arby’s and Ashby’s Ice Cream is a business new to me. I wonder if you mean Arby’s, and Ashby’s Ice Cream. Those commas will getcha if you don’t watch out.]
At Arby’s there are
[Note that here’s an instance where using passive voice is wordy, too; and note how many times within a few lines you use “there.”]
large, colorful signs showing what you can order and at Ashby’s there is [there you go again] a huge ice cream display showing off all the flavors, specialties, shakes, and sundaes that you can get there. [and again] All around the room there are lots of shopping bag-carrying people and hassled parents with wandering kids.
[This detail of shopping-bag-carrying (which would be the proper hyphenation to make all three of those words correctly describe the people) people seems to leap into the middle of the food description. Wouldn’t it be better to describe the scene separately? Even though food is your main subject, I think that in order to properly insert us into the scene in all its sensory glory, you need to tell us about the noise and the bustle early in the essay.]
The food court is the loudest place in the entire mall, because everyone in it is ordering or talking or shouting or crying or laughing or creating some sort of sound wave that vibrates through the air towards you making it seem like every person is yelling directly into your ear.
[This is great detail, good sensory description-- I just think the reader needs this information sooner.]
In the center of the room is the most commotion. There are [overused] teeming hoards of people, every one of them bumping into the person next to them which is almost always you.
[Nice touch of humor in “almost always you.” Also “crushed into catsup” and “crab-like”-- now those are a couple of great food word plays. Let your mind free-associate on this topic, and surely you can find more to add to your stock of humor in the piece.]
[However-- so far you have described 4 eating establishments-- assuming Arby’s and Ashby’s are not the same!-- and suddenly we have left the food court to go to the bathroom. The next paragraph is funny, but again it seems to me off the topic of food.]
The only way to avoid being crushed into catsup is to scuttle, head down, shoulders together, crab like, into the refuge of the bathroom, where you get shunted around like a football by old ladies putting on hot pink barbie style lipstick (note- this will only happen if you are a girl and therefore go to the ladies bathroom). When you emerge, you will notice what I am supposed to be writing about, such as tile floors smeared with catsup and plastic tables and chairs and babies in strollers and shopping bags.
[Hmmm– this would suggest that the writer’s subject isn’t really the FOOD at the food court, but a description of the place.]
If you manage to get successfully to a table with your food,
[But now we are back to food as a topic.]
you will notice that there is a huge potted plant lunging into your chair with you and trying to eat your burger, but it’s only a small palm that is supposed to be good looking or something like that, so don’t worry.
[Again, you’re dipping into some useful humor-- good use of verbs: lunging; though “eat” seems pale-- why not gobble? Devour? Gulp?-- But doesn’t it seem the effect is weakened by the trailing phrases “supposed to be good looking or something like that so don’t worry”? First, let’s think about what the reason for having plants in a food court might be: oxygen? Suggest a picnic outdoors? OK-- now, is this a real plant? That might make a difference in your description-- perhaps you think it’s lunging when you first sit down, but then discover it’s plastic so it’s only dusty, and therefore it can’t give you oxygen, either. Think about whether these ideas are related to your subject-- and therefore how much time you want to spend on this plant.]
The point of this was supposedly to give you an accurate description of the food court, so that you can decide whether or not you want to go there to eat.
[Now this seems to me a slightly different impression of the essay’s purpose than I gleaned at first-- but since it’s at the end, it’s less useful to me as a reader. I believe I’d read this differently if I had been told at the beginning of the essay that it was to help me make a decision. If that’s the purpose, then of course the sensory description is still useful-- the noise, the crowds-- but I also definitely want to know what food is available. And I have learned of only 4 eating establishments, one of them an ice cream shop. So I’d have to reject the food court as a place to look for good food unless I happen to like those few items. And I think there must be more choices.]
[Second, while it’s often important to review the purpose of an essay at the end, the writer is usually a little less blatant than to say, “The point of this was . . .” Endings are tough, but it’s often good to save something-- maybe this would be the place to describe eating by the lively plant, or maybe one would go to the bathroom after one ate--]
I hope that I have truly aided you in making your choice, so try not to die of football-like injuries in the bathroom, or slip in the catsup.
[Good possibilities here for a final line with a touch of humor-- consider how you might rearrange some of the earlier details to enhance the effect.]
*~*~*
Suggested Writing Exercise
In order to practice writing with the kind of detail that will make this essay sparkle, you might try the following exercise:
– Go to the mall and write down details that appeal to all five senses.
– Read one or both of the following (both should be easy to find in a library):
Introduction to the book
Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
the poem "Goblin Market" by Christina Rossetti.
– Compare what you have written to the details in the introduction or poem. You might want to copy into your journal some of the vivid descriptions.
– Then go back to the same place to listen more carefully and smell more thoroughly, and take more notes!
*~*~*
One more thing: I keep all this in a file, which I put in a private file drawer in Windbreak House, so that if you come there for a writing retreat, we can look back at what you and I both wrote.
# # #
back to top
